I got your letter yesterday about all the success people had in Chile 20 years ago. And sometimes how we wonder why we are not having the same success. Oh Stephen, I just wish you could hear me asking my district and zone leaders the same questions just a year ago.
Paraguay was once called the promised land, where people were baptized by the thousands, and the chapels were brimming with people that they had to keep building new ones, and dividing into Branches so that everybody could fit into the sacrament building. Then little by little, most fell away, and now we have big chapels only half full, a reminder of how things used to be. I know that some things had to do with the welfare system. Many were converted, I don't think that any of them (well maybe a very select few . . . but very few) only joined because they wanted food and viveres, but their testimonies were weak. And when additional storms and temptations came in their life (unfortunately some came in the form of unfaithful church leaders or bishops that stole from the church, etc), they fell away. So now here we are, with 1000 member lists and 50 active members. It made me feel sad sometimes. And then I got a hard companion, and things just seemed to get worse. I felt like she was sometimes pushy with people, and I feared that she would obligated them or manipulate them into getting baptized, and I knew that that was not right. Sometimes in the mornings I would exercise alone. One time I kindly reminded her again and again what time it was, that she needed to get up, and she didn't. So I let her sleep until 8 AM, when I told her that I was going to go study scriptures if she wanted to join me. She jolted awake, mad that I had not woken her up earlier. I told her that one day she would have a little comp and if she did not get up, her comp would not get up either, and then they would lose the spirit, and that it would help her to be independent. She didn't really believe me then, but 6 months later when I saw her and she was training, she laughed and said I was right when I had said that.
And there were some days when I just couldn't do it anymore. I felt like all my efforts were for naught. I remember sometimes I would take my camera, and video tape myself talking in english. I told myself it was to journal, but really it was because I felt so alone. But then during that time, I learned about the atonement even more. I yearned to study it, to learn about how it changed people. Because there was always the rare case of the convert who joined the church and never left. Usually it was the branch president, and their life had been so blessed because of the gospel. I wanted to know why they made it, why the atonement empowered them while so many more refused to use the atonement in their lives.
I started feeling this irrational joy enter into me. I was happy. I had no reason to be. I still was struggling with the same problems with my area, with my comp, but I just felt happy. I talked to people, got rejected mostly, got lied to, but I would not stop being happy. That is when I found one of my favorite scriptures of all time. Alma 31:38 And the Lord provided for them that they should hunger not, neither should they thirst; yea, and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ. Now this was according to the prayer of Alma; and this because he prayed in faith.
I felt all my trials being swallowed up in the joy of Christ. It is just like the talk that Nelson just gave that says . . . . That is why our missionaries leave their homes to preach His gospel. Their goal is not to increase the number of Church members. Rather, our missionaries teach and baptize to bring joy to the people of the world!
And when I thought like that, I loved being happy, I loved preaching and I didn't mind the rejection, because every person I talked to, I helped, whether they accepted it or not. My happy demeanor maybe even bugged some, but then they were left questioning why, why I was so happy, and they were not. And I now look back at that time in my mission with such happiness. It was one of the best times of my mission.
Anyway, I love you lots,
Liza
No comments:
Post a Comment