August 3, 2015

August 3, 2015

So I am in a new area, with a new comp.  Her name is Hermana Paredes and she is from Argentina.

I was able to see some really cool miracles this week.

First of all, we had a baptism.   One of the kids of a menos activo.  Her name is Sofie and she has so much faith.  We passed by for her very recently, because the other hermanas hadnt been able to ever find her, and there she was.  Hermana Paredes, who is the definition of a bold missionary, challenged her to get baptized that very Saturday.  And she said yes.  

Really it made me think, do we have the faith of a child.  If God had told me the changes of my mission the trials and the happy moments, would I have accepted to come here to Paraguay, to put my trust in him.  I hope that it would be yes, but in truth, I probably would have wanted to think about it a little bit.  

Do we have the faith to put all of our trust in God, Right now.  Holding back nothing.  Consecrating it all.  Because that is what he asks.

Another miracle we saw was in two recent converts who gave their testimony for the first time.  The man, who gave up marajuana in a week, seperated from his girlfriend to live L of Chastity, and then got married with her and she got baptized.  (Such a cool story) got up and said ¨My family was broken, but God, through his love and mercy, restored my family.  And now it is whole.¨

The goispel isnt just the restored gospel, it is the restoring gospel.  It restores lives, it restores families, it restores our souls so that one day we can be restored to be perfect.

I am so greatful for the chance I have to be here, taking part of this work,

Love you all so much!

Hermana Jarman

Mom, thank you for your letter.  And the package.  It still hasnt gotten here yet, but I am super exited for when it does.

I really think that the Lord laughs when he looks at our thoughts, and knows what he is going to do with us.  Especially in the mission, because he gets to control a lot of things in the mission.  Your zone, your comp, your area.  Basically your life.  And man is my mission the very opposite of what I thought it would be. 

This may sound petty, but I always thought that my misison I would be one of those missionaries that started with little confidence, but a little seed of faith, and that I would go through my misison, recieving challenges a little bit bigger and a little bit bigger untill I would realize that the Lord has made me so grand, has made me able to do things I  couldnt imagine.  That even though I didnt think that I had much to offer, others would beileve in me, and the Lord would believe in me, and I would grow to be a grand leader.  That is certainly the mission plan that a lot of my friends and family have had.

But no.  I am learning the truth that I came on the mission to be humbled.  I thought before my mission that I was one of the people who was really reasonable happy in whatever circumstance, that I was patient with people, that I was realativly humble.  Or if these werent my strengths, they certainly werent weaknesses.  but maybe that shows mypride.

Because I had a good first area.  Hard, but I learned a lot.  We didnt have people in the church for 5 weeks straight.  Any pride I had that I was going to be a good, baptize every week missionary from the beggining fell away.  I was here to work, and to have faith.  There were struggles, but in the end, the faith previaled, and we overcame the obstacles.  Then I went to my second area.  Hna Huanca was very strict, telling me after every lesson what I could do to get better.  What I did wrong.  At first it hurt, but then I humbled myself.  No, I was going to learn from her.  And I did.  I got much better at teaching.  And we were very very obedient.  Then came Hermana Guevara.  And I learned patience.  Patience with sickness, patience to baptize because we didnt baptize every week like I wanted.  And again, I learned, I grew.  Ok, humility down, patience, down, whats next.  Soemthing exiting.  Something new.

And then I got moved to the next door barrio.  Same stake.  With a comp that has a reputation for not letting her comps talk in lessons, ordering them around all the time.  And I am here to tell you that its not true, at least half of it.  But the other half is true.  So I am here again, send back to relearn patience and humility.  Like I didnt already learn it.  And also in our zone, some of the things they do are bending the rules.  And everyone expects that I just jump in the bandwagon with them.

And I am not saying this to complain.  I guess I just have to tell someone.  Because now, its almost not worth crying about.

I know the Lord has a plan, I guess I didnt think myself one of the retchedly prideful ones that everyone says ¨Ya know what, a mission will be good for her.  She is going to learn a lot of humilty¨  But if this is the price to change, to be converted, I will pay it.

Really, I am happy.  I love my comp.  She is the sweetest, most focused missionary when she is in a good mood, which is 80 percent of the time.  I love her with all my heart, and I know that we are going to do so much good, and I am going to change so much.

One time a friend said, taking to his mom about one of their good family friends that recently came home from the mission ¨She came home from the misison.  And she looks just the same.  Sme big smile.  Except for the eyes.  Theyre more knowing, more worn.¨

And I, in that moment, said to myself.  I want people to say that about me.  Same smile, same cheerful Liza, but her eyes are different.  More knowing, with years of experience.  And I think god is giving me my desires.  Just in a way I didnt think.

Love always, 

Liza

Liza,

Your letter made me cry, and smile.  That is exactly the process I went through on my mission.  I felt like I was humbled to the dust.  All of my grandiose ideas about myself and what an amazing missionary I would be came crashing down.  And every time I thought I was at rock bottom, I would find I was wrong, and there was a deeper place.

I felt like the lesson my mission taught me, as it relates to a lifetime of gospel living, was that I was imperfect—that I had some major weaknesses (I thought before I left that I could get along with anyone—haha—and I could, as long as I just shared an apartment and didn’t have to actually WORK with someone day in and day out), that I was never going to be able to be 100% obedient all the time—(t was impossible), and that I could not make it to heaven by my own efforts.  This sounds so funny, because this is what we SAY all of the time at church.  But my mission was where this realization sunk into my bones.

Now, if I had stopped there, that would be such a tragedy, such a waste of pain felt.  But if, at that moment, we can turn to the Lord, we are finally humble enough to let Him take charge and magnify us.  It took me until halfway through my mission before I could do this, where I could accept that I was "nothing" without getting down about it, but instead start each day pleading for the Lord to strengthen and guide me.  I had to give up all of my aspirations, all of my pride.  I had to admit how weak I was to Heavenly Father and ask for His help.  I had to stop looking at numbers and goals, and start looking at my companion as an investigator (especially if I felt, like I usually did, that it was her fault that we weren’t being…successful, obedient, etc.).  I had to realize that our companionship wouldn’t have the spirit if we were in conflict.

My last companion was my hardest one—a convert who had an alcoholic father and a hard upbringing, who hated the MTC, hated our mission president, and had permission to attend AA/Alanon  meetings, where she dissed our mission president.  So much negative feeling, big mood swings, couldn’t get out of bed in the morning.  I had to negotiate with her.  I had to reason with her and counsel her.  I had to love her.  And I did.  But it was exhausting.  I think Dad came home exhilarated because he was in leadership positions with the best companions in the mission, leading and inspiring people.  I came home exhausted.  But I did it.  I stayed and worked and prayed and suffered and loved and grew and learned—and was so grateful for the experience.  Can you imagine going back to the person you were before?  Who didn’t know what she didn’t know?  Who didn’t have those knowing eyes?

Do you remember the conference talk about the difference between learning the dance steps and hearing the music?  One of my biggest weaknesses is that I have concentrated (both with companions and with our family) on making sure everyone learned the dance steps correctly, without making sure that they heard the music.  Letter of the law vs spirit of the law.  I wish I had concentrated more on the things that would help my companions and children hear the music that I could hear.  I wish that I had focused on bringing in the Spirit and on truly loving and showing love.

Liza, I love you so much.  I wish I could put my arms around you right now and tell you how amazing you are.  You will just have to imagine it.  So please do.  Right now.  Stop and let me hug you :)  for 5 seconds.  Remember that God can’t do anything with you until you are humble.  But with God, you can do all things.

Other lessons from my mission: My mission made me so grateful that I didn’t have to spend eternity with a woman :)  I even told my mission president this once in one of my letters.  But it also made me realize that I felt incomplete.  I started to yearn for my other half, the person with whom I could become a perfect team—my perfect “companion.”  I promise you that Dad as my companion has been a bliss and a joy.

You can do this.  You can stay the whole time, and squeeze every drop of learning and blessing that God has available for you during these next 8 months.

Love you,

Mom