June 29, 2016

June 29, 2016

This week I learned a lesson I am never going to forget, but it was kind of a hard lesson.

This week we had a lunch with a couple in our ward, and they started talking about the poverty of Paraguay, and how we probably have seen a lot, because we walk in the streets all day. Then he told us his story of how he one day went around with someone that was running for a political office and he saw for two days, the poorest of the poor of Paraguay.  And that he felt sick.  How could there really be people that have such, so many problems, that didnt know how they were going to eat the next day.  So he decided to close his eyes, or just keep his eyes on the road in front of him.  Try not to see the people that are destitute.  

Later that night we went to visit our converso recien, Maria Marta.  And she just has a story.  Child of a 13 year old that was violated, that was beaten and used as a slave until she got pregnant at the age of 13, that had fought with every trial imaginable for years and years and years.  Now too sickly to walk very much, she sits in her house doing nothing but taking care of her mentally handicapped granddaughter.  Her 2 daughters and grandchildren, stuck in the stress of debts and poverty, hardly even talk to her.  Only we actually sit down and talk to her.  And we arrived and she said ¨Where were you . . .  you havent visited me for a week.  And my mom died, and nobody wanted to tell me, and I cant sleep.  I just lay there anguished for hours and hours and hours and I am just so confused.  WHY is my life soooo hard.  I am tired of begging, I am tired of not knowing what I am going to eat the next day, Why is this life so hard.  I cant sleep because I never reconciled with my mom (her mom that abandoned her and told her that she was raised by the wind because she didnt want her), and I just am tired.

So we did what we could and read her the scriptures, but in the back of my head, the depths of my heart, I mourned for her.  And I undestand why there is such a profetic emphasis on helping the poor.  The poor of heart and the poor of situation.  Because there are people that are sooo needy, and we just cant ignore them.  Because how could this hermano, a member of the bishopric turn his back on the very members of his ward. How could someone see what they saw, feel the sickness of poverty, and not do something about it.  But then, dont we do the same.  I could here the words of Elder Hollands recent talk on helping the poor booming in my ears.  I am just as guilty as the rest.

So to all of you members of the church out there, and those that are not members, just go, and help someone out today. Temporally, emotionally, whatever.  But just do it.  There are too many people looking for someone that just will sit down and listen to them for 10 minutes.  That just need a visit, that just need someone to buy them dinner.

I Love You All, 

Hermana Jarman

Hi mom, 

Why does everyone else have missions so happy.  My mission is so hard.  But I think it is my fault.  I dont know what I am doing wrong, but its my fault.  I am soppused to baptize like crazy, and I am not.  I have been here for 4 months with 1 baptism.  I am a failure in every sense of the word. Paraguayan missionaries , , , shouldnt have numbers like that.  But how can I do anything when I also am trying to solve world poverty.  I think one of the differences between elders and hermanas is that hermanas see more.  Understand more.  Elders can come to a house, see that there is nobody there to challenge to be baptized and leave, and I cant mom.  I look at their eyes, and I know that they just need someone to listen to them, talk to them, and I do it.  Am I wasting the Lords time., I dont know anymore.  I  try to teach my comp that we cant just commit people to do things without helping them have desires, and she doesnt understand.  I dont know how I can teach her more.  My paciencence is turning into discouragement.  All my friends have titles in the missions, and every week write about the miracles, and there are miracles, but sometimes its hard to just focus on them.   

I really am fine.  But what happened yesterday (that I said in my email) really crushed me because poverty is a problem here and it was just so back to back eating in a fancy house, going to house in shambles.

But I love you, and dont worry about me because we have trials for a reason, and I really am learning so much.  Sometimes I just have to tell someone.  And I am sure that tomorrow I will be bright and happy again.  We have a new president of our mission.  Presidente Wilson de Uraguay.

Love,

Hermana Jarman