March 28, 2016

March 28. 2016

If there is one thing that I dont like about the misison, it is the oberlabeling of mental illness, because a lot of people come home when they shouldnt because there are hyperaware comps or presidents, and the psycologists of the mission, do weird things sometimes, or draw weird conclusions that lead to lifetimes of self labeling and excuses.

And because when i was having a hard time in my mission during my training, my comp thought i was depressed, and I didnt want to go home. that is all we knew.  and of course, i didnt tell you anything.  Like I am sure steivie doesnt tell you much.  And it was super bad, and I was confused untill the hermana lider came over laughed and said, hermana, you arent depressed, you just gotta learn how to use the atonement.  And so I started studying everyday and it changed my misison.  Changed my life.  If someone would have given me pills instead of the gospel, i dont know where I would be now.

Then when I trained I recieved hna guevara . . who has adhd.  Like it is so classical even she knows she has it.  She couldnt sit still for 1 hour, let alone 4.  So we started making up dynamics, doing whatever thing to help her learn in different fun ways, so she could concentrate, and I loved her and told her that she would learn how to do personal study.  She just had to keep on trying to focus when it was hard to focus.  And now she studies.  She also humms and colors in her scriptures while she studies because she cant focus unless she is doing 3 things at once.  But she studies, and sees miracles due to her dilligence.

And hna guevara couldnt sleep either.  She called the doctor, then the psycologist, they put her on heavy heavy meds, untill they bascially gave her pills that sedated her every night (she couldnt remember the last 30 minutes that she was awake, but her comps would tell her the funny things she did), and she got super super sick.  And was getting worse.  I saw her and she looked like a zombie.  I was really scared she would go home.  Untill one day, she read her patriacal blessing that told her [i bless you with health[.  And she decided to stop cold turkey the pills she was taking, and prayed that she would be able to sleep.  And that night was the first night in 8 months that she slept the night though.  Now she sleeps super well.  

So i kind of have a testimony that a lot of times, you have to apply the gospel.  I know that MajorDepressiveDosprder exists, but I also believe that there are moments where you can apply the gospel instead of chemicals.

But I know that you are careful, and that stephen is strong, and maybe drugs can help in certain situations, just be careful.  Especially because he is just starting.  Give him the gospel.  It is what he needs.

But, take care.  I pray for you every night, and I will be praying for stephen.  He has a rough road ahead of him these first 6 months in the misison, because he has a lot of people who will be fighting against him.  But I know he can make it.  Hes strong.

Love

Hermana Jarman

Liza,

Thanks for sharing your concerns.  We will certainly watch the situation as closely as we can.  Stephen feels like the meds are really helping him.  So it is hard to tell him that he is doing something wrong.  I was also concerned that it would change his personality, so we will have to be on the lookout for that.  But my dad feels that when medication is used well, it fixes the brain and that is their true personality—the personality that is not showing because of a malfunctioning brain. He was specifically speaking about depression and anxiety.  The doc in the MTC said that these meds would not change his personality.

I feel like I definitely went through depression in my mission.  I wish I had known more about it at the time.  But it lifted, as most situational depression does.  Did you read my dad’s talk I sent you lately?  I think sometimes it doesn’t lift for some people, and they need a little boost.  It sounds like you have seen meds get abused, and that is sad.

Back to Stephen, I think he was in danger of going into depression/anxiety a year or two ago when he was dating Jessica Church.  He put all of this pressure onto himself that he had to be a millionaire like Corbin before he was 30, and it was really stressing him out because he couldn’t seem to FOCUS his time, talents, and energies into becoming that person.  (He wanted to get into BYU, etc. but he just kept playing video games—he was escaping and numbing his pain.)  It made him doubt himself, and not like himself, and it was a hard time for him.  I actually told him once that I thought he might have depression, and he was furious with me—at that time he saw anything I said to him as a criticism and attack.  So, his inability to focus was hurting his self esteem.

I think he believes that now he has that last piece of the puzzle to apply leverage to all of the other talents he has been given.  He left on his mission fully ready to give 100%—he was finally ready to believe in the version of himself that his patriarchal blessing foresaw—a successful, capable LEADER with a strong testimony and a wonderful life.  He is right where we always wanted him to be.  He believes in himself.

I have also been doing lots of research about his foot and how to make sure it heals so that he doesn’t have to come home.  I waiting for a reply from the mission nurse about getting him a knee scooter or some stiff inserts for his shoes so his foot doesn’t bend as he walks.  So I am doing all I can to keep him out there.

Thank you for loving him enough to share your concerns.

We love you so much!!

Mom